I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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