If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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