Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
