you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
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She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
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I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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