Just fell off a train. Bad.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
