Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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