fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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