I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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