They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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