never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
