So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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