If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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