I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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