I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
