Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
