WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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