He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
