come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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