Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
