bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
