pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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