so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
