what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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