what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
