i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
