the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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