Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Randomize
