She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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