My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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