My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
