i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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