tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize