I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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