I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
