i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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