what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
