I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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