sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
