I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
