i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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