I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
