i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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