I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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