Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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