I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
