This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
