I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
