Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
