worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
