Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
