my room smells like sperm. sweet.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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