You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
