can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
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