I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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