nut hugger
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
This gyro tastes like lonliness
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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