ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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