Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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