everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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