So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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