She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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