do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
we're so committed to being not committed
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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