i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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