Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
