I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
