That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
