So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Randomize
