Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
