That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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