Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
