Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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