Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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